Mindset can be a tricky basterd. Because, what is your mindset? Im an overall positive person but why do I have periods of severe depression throughout these last 20 years? Im writing it now like a question, but for me it no longer is. I don’t ask questions like why or why me. Ive done that in the past, when I was really deeply grieving about my state of mind. I was angry and upset that I couldn’t live the life I wanted, I was so angry at my depression. I was angry at the world, at the happy people at everyone who did go to work or who did start their own business. Through the years I’ve seen many therapists, psychologists, on a number of occasions I’ve used anti-depressive medication. And in the end, where did it get me?
Nowhere, it got me slightly back on my feet, thats all. It made the darkest a little less dark, but it didn’t help to overcome the depression. The medication (which I was thankful for at the time) made me numb. As a highly sensitive person that was so weird. To not be able to feel anything anymore, to not care, to not cry. It was at that point three years ago that I decided that it was enough, I so desperately wanted to feel again, despite my fear of falling back into that black hole. I truly missed being able to laugh and cry, I desperately wanted to tap in to these happy emotions.
But of course I was scared, because what if all these depressed feelings suddenly came back. I talked it through with my therapist who said to me, why don’t you look into mindfulness and meditation to support you in your withdrawal. And thats where my true change started. I remember looking up the word mindset and mindfulness, I downloaded a free e-book on mindfulness and my life changed. No it did not change overnight, it did not change in 3 months, but it changed by time. By consistently repeating the same steps in the mindfulness process. After that e-book Ive read numerous books and websites about this subject and by teaching myself and my brain I can now say that Ive changed.
Depression is still a part of my life, but Ive accepted it with so much love. Ive learned that once you use love instead of anger and frustrations, miracles happen.
These miracles I will be passing on to you, because everyone deserves to live the life they love.
Your are love, you are beautiful, you are unique.